When I turned 40 a couple of years ago, I became very reflective of my life, very cliched, but necessary I believe. After all it's a time to look back half way through your life and make sense of what has happened, how it has effected you and what the hell are you going to do about it.
Starting afresh at this point in your life may seem scary to some, but I want to reassure you that I am pretty resilient. I have had to deal with much worse as a child, a kind of profound lesson about life that shaped me, or evolved me into who I am.
I will put a full stop there.
I made it past that and then about 20 years ago I found myself in another terrible scenario...a worse one in some ways, a sort of grief that I carry with me, I hit my lowest point mentally but eventually I got help (thanks NHS!) and so then the next chapter in my life, which I thought was my happily content and peaceful resting place, a calm after the storm...it wasn't actually, because sometimes it is easier to be happy with what you have got and work hard to overlook the things that are wrong...but then the wrong things get wronger and wronger and you have no energy left to keep trying to put them right. Then you realise you are just too different.
All I can say is, this next decade is going to be a hopeful one...I made it thus far, I know what is most important in my life (my children) and the people in my past and present that have done or said such little things but that helped me in a deeply life changing way, through all this gloom, which I wish I could say a big thank you to, maybe one day I will.
It's funny because they probably thought I was absolutely fine at the time and have no idea what I'm talking about, but my trust is quite finite...it can only be gained through stealth, and once I've found it in someone I'm eternally grateful.
Of course that includes all you out there reading my blog, who've helped me all this time, you've given me a sort of faith in people that was lost along the way. x
After xmas has passed I really liked to make a new tradition with the kids to celebrate New Year. I save a couple of their xmas presents to give them after a New Year dinner. They get too much at once anyway, and then they get excited over just one present a week later!
I made a pie with 2020 written on it (not a great photo of it to be fair!), my mum came to dinner too.
I got P a pop up tent because she loves having a den in the house that she puts all her things in. It is actually just a large beach tent.
L got a thing that shoots out Hot Wheels cars, he nearly died when he opened that.
Not self-indulgent at all. I have a love/hate relationship with the internet but your blog remains an island of simplicity and honesty in a world I often want to retreat from.
ReplyDeleteI could have written the same thing. This space is a respite for me. You're a beautiful, inspiring person Artemis!
DeleteYes I agree, the internet can be a sinister place sometimes. Thank you for visiting here though!
DeleteAhh..... just want to wish you and your gorgeous little uns all the very best....for what it's worth, I think you're doing an amazing job as a mamma. I don't have kids, but I love to read your blog and see all your creative ideas and projects. You give us the reader, lots of beautiful images,ideas and armchair adventures! Onwards and upwards to you :)
ReplyDeleteThis post requires a hug and a covered hot dish dropped at your door. But since I live so very far away a poem will have to suffice. I thought this one appropriate for a jewelry maker who will again know joy.
ReplyDeleteThe Necklace by Osip Mandelstam
Take, from my palms, for joy, for ease, A little honey, a little sun, That we may obey Persephone’s bees.
You can’t untie a boat unmoored. Fur-shod shadows can’t be heard, Nor terror, in this life, mastered.
Love, what’s left for us, and of us, is this Living remnant, loving revenant, brief kiss Like a bee flying completed dying hiveless
To find in the forest’s heart a home, Night’s never-ending hum, Thriving on meadowsweet, mint, and time.
Take, for all that is good, for all that is gone, That it may lie rough and real against your collarbone, This string of bees, that once turned honey into sun.
That's a very beautiful poem, and thank you for reminding me I need to read more poetry! x
DeleteWonderful post Artemis! So very honest and so delicately written. You are an inspiration as a mum and a maker! Thanks to you, my family came to Yarmouth in summer and had a lovely time. Beautiful place! I was too shy to actually organise a meeting (although I think I saw you in town) but if we come again, I definitely will. Life is too short to have regrets. Big hug and all the best wishes for 2020. When I turn 40 I’ll def get myself a ring made by Rust. Anya xx
ReplyDeleteAh thank you! yes life is too short, I do have regrets...but I will learn to live with them and learn from them too, all the best to you too! x
DeleteA beautiful post. Thank you for honesty and philosophy! I also love reading your blog and seeing beautiful little snippets of your life. Always inspired by your table arrangements x
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog for years, my husband and I got married and had children around the same time as you and I have always enjoyed reading your blog and I guess I put you on a pedestal thinking you had a perfect life. When I realised that this fantasy I had created was not in fact true and you were actually just a normal person (albeit with far more exquisite taste that me) I felt sad and disappointed. But I now realise you are actually very inspiring because, like all of us you have been through hard times and you remain motivated to create beauty in your life and keep moving forward positively. Thank you for sharing a bit of your life with us and continuing to inspire me.
ReplyDeleteInteresting that you says that. I don't think I have ever really commented on my personal life relationships etc before on my blog but I guess unless you do, then people will assume all is a rosy life. I'm the other way, if someone never really mentions their other half in an emotional context, I'm likely to assume all is not that well. I am very normal and had many ups and downs like everyone else...but generally I'd say I'm an optimist, and it's hard to keep an optimist from trying again! ...and at the end of the day, there is always art and music x
DeleteWishing you peace, love and many blessings in 2020.
ReplyDeleteLots of love, so much love, to you and yours. More and more.
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog for so many years now, and I love your sharing the personal challenges and lessons learned. In fact I would love to hear more! I imagine its hard to spill too much personal info out into the void, a one way conversation, but I think that's what we come back for. Yes your photos and style are magical, but learning about you the person is equally interesting to me. I have weathered big changes in my marriage and have a similar set up to you and yours. I felt so grateful and curious learning of these changes in your life, I am so appreciative you shared this part of your personal journey. So, speak up friend, I want to hear what you have to say! Sending love.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you've been going through a similar thing. I often wonder why I write this blog, many reasons I guess, but mostly it's just very supportive where maybe the support was lacking in my local sphere? If someone wants to hear me then I will definitely keep talking x
DeleteThank you so much Artemis, I am super grateful to you for your wonderful blog and Instagram pics and I wish you a lovely year with your kids. Congratulations on learning to drive and the purchase of your car , I am so looking forward to seeing what you get up to this year ! BTW your co parenting Christmas was an amazing effort which gets better and easier each year I promise ( having done it myself for may years now )
ReplyDeleteThank you! I love driving, and passing my test certainly was a massive weight off my shoulders. Can't wait for summer now x
DeleteAll the best for the the New Year and the future it brings you Artemis. I wish you and your gorgeous children all the best and hope that once we finally arrive to live on the Island that we eventually get to meet up. I chickened out introducing myself at the Vintage Fair in 2018 I think it was!
ReplyDeleteahh shame! I love meeting new people. Next time for sure x
DeleteWhat a lovely post. This time of year is always time for introspection and as bloggers we can be forgiven for sharing that. I love the idea of saving a present for the children for New Year, and making a bit more of New Year's Day. I think this is something I will aim to do next year.
ReplyDeleteYes the New Year thing has been lovely with the kids as usually I get a bit down around that time (not sure why) so it's good to have something to look forward to.
DeleteSuch beautiful words. Thank you for sharing the little slices of your life with us.
ReplyDeleteYour'e welcome!
DeleteI think it takes a lot of courage to change a situation that you aren't happy with. You are right when you say that it can be much easier to be happy with what you've got and overlook the things that are wrong. Going forward with my life this is something I want to do more of too - being true to myself and changing things I'm not happy with. All the best to your and your beautiful kiddos for 2020 and the future x
ReplyDeleteI’ve been following you for years as well!! Your blog is magical and i would be crushed if you disappeared! As much as I love the pretty photos, I too would welcome more internal dialogue if you ever feel like sharing! Wishing you a great, courageous, liberating year!
ReplyDeleteLovely post, thank you! This was my first New Year at age 40, and I feel so much more reflective than in past years. I am at a pretty good place in my life and I feel cautiously hopeful. Your blog makes me so happy, and I am so glad you are in a place of relative peace. Your kids are so lucky to have you as their momma!
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely and though provoking post.
ReplyDeleteI have been in similar reflective mood since the start of this year, decade. The future it seems to me after much thought, is still exciting especially as in April of this year I turn 60 … gosh where did those years go. I was only thinking earlier today what a wonderful community blogland is at the moment, although lots have wound up blogs and left there is a core community of bloggers, followers and readers that seems to grow stronger and more caring of each other with the passing of time.
Enjoy your lovely children, they are truly beautiful, and I wish you every happiness and success in this brand new decade. xx
Thoughtful and inspiring words... Wishing you a happy new year
ReplyDeleteDear Artemis ....thank you for being willing to let yourself share things which could cause you to feel vulnerable. You are brave and strong. I have loved your blog over the years... the simplicity and beauty of it is dazzling. Hugs and love to you and your sweet children. May you be strengthened and blessed in all that you do.
ReplyDeleteI've admired and enjoyed your blog and your photos hugely over the last few years, and have only just now seen that you are splitting up with your mister. I am so sorry about it all, for you and for the children. Thank you for blogging. It gives such pleasure. You have such wonderful style ;)
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