When I turned 40 a couple of years ago, I became very reflective of my life, very cliched, but necessary I believe. After all it's a time to look back half way through your life and make sense of what has happened, how it has effected you and what the hell are you going to do about it.

Starting afresh at this point in your life may seem scary to some, but I want to reassure you that I am pretty resilient. I have had to deal with much worse as a child, a kind of profound lesson about life that shaped me, or evolved me into who I am.
I will put a full stop there.

I made it past that and then about 20 years ago I found myself in another terrible scenario...a worse one in some ways, a sort of grief that I carry with me, I hit my lowest point mentally but eventually I got help (thanks NHS!) and so then the next chapter in my life, which I thought was my happily content and peaceful resting place, a calm after the storm...it wasn't actually, because sometimes it is easier to be happy with what you have got and work hard to overlook the things that are wrong...but then the wrong things get wronger and wronger and you have no energy left to keep trying to put them right. Then you realise you are just too different.

All I can say is, this next decade is going to be a hopeful one...I made it thus far, I know what is most important in my life (my children) and the people in my past and present that have done or said such little things but that helped me in a deeply life changing way, through all this gloom, which I wish I could say a big thank you to, maybe one day I will.
It's funny because they probably thought I was absolutely fine at the time and have no idea what I'm talking about, but my trust is quite finite...it can only be gained through stealth, and once I've found it in someone I'm eternally grateful.
Of course that includes all you out there reading my blog, who've helped me all this time, you've given me a sort of faith in people that was lost along the way. x










Best wishes to you all for the brand new decade! apologies for my self indulgent, philosophical post, but at least you know me a bit better now x

Happy Mid-Winter everyone! A bit delayed in updating here due to my new car adventures keep me occupied during any free time I get. As usual we had two xmas dinners, one at my mum's house with my family (on the other side of the Island) and one at our house, just with the kids.
I couldn't get very good pictures indoors due to the crap weather we have been treated to here in the UK, constant rain and drizzle for the last month I think. Xmas day was beautiful and bright however I was too busy to go out in it. Anyway, here are some photos of our xmas for any of you that haven't had enough of xmas so far...















We decided to show a united front for the kids this Xmas day, I think it's important for them, so we did our best, and it wasn't too bad considering!